My list & thoughts

In my efforts of trying to be positive, I made a list of things I'm going to do since I'm not pregnant. Most of these are the things I normally do but had to stop because of all of the stimulation drugs and the risk to my ovaries.

1. Pick up my sweet, but heavy baby boy. 
2. Personal time with the hubby. 
3. Play tennis again. 
4. Play volleyball again. 
5. Eat sushi again.
6. Drink wine again. 

My next step is to find out what the hell happened. From there, I'm going to figure out what other tests we need to run before we jump right back in and try again. If we were the textbook situation and we failed, I'm not interested in risking 2 more viable embryos without finding out if there are other problems that are preventing the embryos from implanting.

In the meantime, I am coming to peace with the fact that I'm not pregnant. If we are meant to be pregnant, we will be.

My overriding selfish, bratty feeling today is that the average person needs to be so grateful that they don't have to do this to have a child.

My thankful and blessed feeling for today is that I do have one amazing child that I love more than I could have ever imagined possible. I have supportive family and friends. And, I still have hope.