Found a hard part...

I've been skating through this IVF process. It's not been overly difficult for me. My hormonal changes have not rocked our house or made me any crazier than I already am day to day. Don't get me wrong, I've had frustrating weight gain and been poked and prodded by needles left and right, but overall it's been a relatively smooth process thus far.

Until the latest round of shots.

I knew that Intramuscular meant in to my muscle. I knew that the needle for these shots was almost 3 times the length of the other shots. I knew there was a HUGE bag of syringes which meant there would be several of these shots - but none of that really soaked in...until now.

Top Needle is what I've used for all other shots.

Bottom needle is the new one for Progesterone.

At the appointment before the Egg Retrieval my nurse Andrea drew two circles on my upper butt area. She called them targets, but I preferred "hiney eyes". These were to serve as guides for Jeff at shot giving time.

We do right side in the morning and left side at night. We numb the area with ice and then he gives me a countdown before he injects the Progesterone. Since it is an oil, it does not leave the syringe willingly. The shot ends up in my muscle for a good 8-10 seconds while he forcefully tries to push this oil out without moving the syringe too much. To his credit - he is doing a fantastic job at this. To wrap up, we massage the injection area and leave a heating pad on for about 5 minutes.

The shot only stings. It's really not that bad. The muscle pain and the knots forming from the progesterone are felt all day, every day. But, again - I can live with that. The part that is taking a toll on me is more emotional. Every shot before has been by me. I've had control of the needle and could see everything that was going on. It was a personal event between me and these meds. Now - it feels completely out of my control. Relying on his schedule, face down not able to see anything going on and having him have to deal with my broad range of emotions as we get in to the routine of this process. Some mornings I'm very much at peace while other evenings are full of tears and frustration. He feels terrible and apologizes often - which is not what I wanted to make him go through.

The plus about this process is that we are 1 week in and I can feel myself coming to peace with it. Once that occurs, all emotion will slip away and it will be just another part of this process that we handle and move forward. Much more robotic and driven vs. woe-is-me and boo-hooey.

I was under the impression that I was going to have to take these shots for 10-12 weeks in to the pregnancy - another part of the emotional freak-out...no end in site! However, I was told by my nurse yesterday that, assuming we are pregnant, we have about 4 weeks left before I can switch to a suppository form of progesterone vs. the shots. So, we can make it through 56 more shots.

I told Jeff to use the puncture holes to create a picture or draw his initials - no sense letting a good hiney-eye canvas go to waste.

The end justifies the means.